what is going onnn

ok WHAT? had part of entry typed … realized Grey\’s Anatomy was on … tried to find it on TV with my bed clicker … went 1 too far, and can\’t go back on mine, so asked mom to go back 1 channel with TV buttons, looked back down at computer, and WordPress entry textboxes ARE COMPLETELY BLANK WHAT HAPPENED!??!?

sigh. and so, again:

(oh don\’t worry, it\’s just going to be all complaining anyway)

Oh. Man. So I was feeling so well like, two days ago, and now I can barely breathe again. :( It just kept getting worse and worse throughout the day, and, in the midst of writing this the LAST time (glares at computer), one of the doctors came in and decided I need a chest xray and oops actually as it turns out I must go RIGHT NOW in the middle of GA (which of course is what I predicted in the last writing of this) and so gotta log off, see ya bye. (will edit later maybe?)

11:37 PM   EDIT Yes, okay, so it was a quickish xray and I caught the last 10 minutes of GA. But still, wasn\’t really paying attention to beginning anyway … oh what am I complaining about, I\’ve got it on TIVO at home. (I hope. I haven\’t been able to go through my TIVO in sooo long and so now I just assume I ran out of room about two weeks ago and am missing EVERYTHING. You can download TV episodes on iTunes now, yes? For like $2? Orrr something? Can anyone enlighten me there?)

Hmm okay, so the other news is that I will probably have a CT scan tomorrow to see if my piggy tail tube needs to be repositioned so that it can suck out some more fluid and then I can breathe again?? Maybe? Pleeease???

Yeah, seriously, you just don\’t know how bad this can be until you experience it, and I am so, so sorry for those in worse-off positions than me. Oh gosh, this morning I had some weird coughing/sneezing/dry-heaving fit that was so so bad. If I cough too much, it makes me feel like throwing up, so I always try to turn it into deep breaths and that usually works, except this time it really felt like something was going to come up so my mom grabbed my bucket and then … I sneezed? Very odd, but THEN, could not catch my breath at ALL, and it was horrible and I sort of cycled through the coughing/dry heaves/sneezing until finally calmed down (think nurse turned the O2 up) with cool cloth on my head. But whew. That was bad stuff. Please, breathing, I miss you!

Okay so now I\’m just hoping everything works out/goes well tomorrow. And again, will I ever see the outside of this hospital again?? (Forget more ambulance trips to NIH because I\’ve decided against radiation since the pain in my leg is not so bad … so unless it gets bad again … *nervously knocks on wood-colored plastic* … no fresh air for me until discharge?)

And uh, apologies if my last entry was a bit hard to understand ( target=\”a\”>anyone? anyone?). I didn\’t see anything too confusing, but I think I\’ll just blame my brain, which decides to turn off my consciousness and then further decides to make my fingers go on a crazy typing spree and who knows what I am saying then? Anyway, time for bed now, and let\’s hope some sweet sweet breath makes its way back to me tomorrow!