September 29, 2004

I cracked.

Here's What's On.

What's On 'your child's/your lunch menu' Right Now?

I don't have a child [thank you, Trojan], and I'm not sure how you'd define "lunch menu." Do you mean, like, a set regimen of lunch options? That doesn't happen round here. Whatever leftovers happen to be around, or whatever I can throw together in the time between getting up and going to work, becomes lunch. It usually ends up involving vegetable soup, baked chicken, or ground turkey in some way. The only exception is when I get furiously tired of cooking [which happens at least once a week] and just take along some money for the sandwich machine at work.

So that was what was on. Not a lot, really...

***

I am going to save this entry and reboot this unspeakable piece of yak diarrhea, before it gets so fucking slow the cursor actually goes backwards. More later.

~Later~

Better. At least the Commodore 64 isn't snickering at the Pentium from the other room anymore. I'd forgotten what happens when you leave the system on for four days with Shanghai running the whole time.

I didn't get any artwork done, but I did get a song finished, and I got some minor housework done. I also found out that while it's possible to carry on an IM conversation using copied and pasted text, it's so damn tedious it's not worth it.

~An Essay On Local Building Construction~

I want it to snow. Soon. Really, really hard. Not because I'm eager for winter to get a head start, but because the numbnuts next door are starting to build the hilariously unnecessary, alley-blocking addition to the auto parts store across the alley from my bedroom. [I'd move the bed to another room, but the only other room with enough space for a mattress is the one that looks out over the street, which is worse since I live downtown.] It sounds like, having completed the foundation, they're working on the wood framework, because I hear what sounds like hammering. Also, what precious little of the alley/parking lot that they haven't pirated for their addition is filled with badly parked trucks which, given what I know about the construction industry, were statistically unlikely to have been parked by women. What is statistically likely is that the same men who park their trucks as though they've been driving fucked up on Quaaludes are the same ones who complain as loudly and as often as possible about women drivers. You can just tell by the kind of "FEAR MY PUISSANT MANLINESS" vehicles they drive.

Anyway, I didn't wanna get off onto that. I wanted to talk about why it's so hilarious [or would be, if I didn't have to listen to it] that they're adding onto the auto parts store. It's that nobody buys anything in the damn store they have now! Why would you?

Look, let's say you live in Bumhump, Minn., population 1500. There's a hardware store or two, a clinic with one doctor, an overpriced little grocery store that doesn't carry half the things you want anyway, a floral shop about the size of your apartment, no movie theater, no Target/Kame-apart/Mallwart, and a laundromat where half the dryers don't work. If you have a functioning vehicle, what's the chances you're going to do most of your shopping in town? Hell no, you're going to go out of town and conduct your business in a bigger city where the prices and selection are better. While you're in the larger city, you will take the opportunity to pick up auto parts from larger stores with better selections and better prices. [Yes, the stereotypes are true, to an extent: many Minnesotans WILL drive ten miles to save a couple bucks, if their gas mileage will justify it.] The only time that won't be cost-effective is if your primary vehicle is broken down and you can't get out of town without you got the part anyway--and in Minnesota, chances are your spouse has a car you can borrow.

So other than convenience or necessity, there are few if any reasons for anybody besides the store owner's friends to even go to the auto parts store. And it's baffling and annoying that they would annihilate a perfectly good section of alley to make space for more stuff when I can't even figure out how the hell they stay in business now. Granted, the guy does own the land that the alley was on, and he also owns part of the alley behind the store. To store his crap, he built a shed a while back that blocks off the crossway of the alley from any through traffic; you can't turn into the alley and drive from one side of the block to the other, you can only go in L's because his little outbuilding is right in the middle of the intersection.

And, you know, that wasn't bad enough; now he has to get rid of one leg of one of the L's, so that the parking lot/alley that I have to park in is NOT a through alley anymore. This is bad because people who turn into that lot and have no place to park can't just drive through anymore. They're stuck, and have to try to turn around or back out in a space which, when the parking spaces are occupied, is too small to turn around in without risking crashing into something. Ergo, it makes it more dangerous for me to park my car there. Considering that there are two bars on either side of me [one next door in the brownstone and another across the parking lot], this means that if I park my car on the street, some drunk fuckbucket might crash into it. And now if I park it in that postage-stamp-sized lot with no outlet, some drunk fuckbucket might crash into it. Or piss on it. Or throw up on it. Or smash a beer bottle on it. Or any combination thereof.

And people wonder why I have a problem with drunk people.

But I digress. The point is, land ownership or no land ownership, it's lowdown, skanky, and plain damn rude to build crap all over the alleys in a block so people can't even drive through like they're supposed to be able to, just so you can have a place to store your rusty old shitty bicycles and make more space to peddle stuff that anybody can order out of a catalog and only a bunch of damn grease monkeys would wanna fool with anyways.

AND it sucks that they have to do it right outside my fucking bedroom.

And for that, NAPA store guy, you officially suck. You suck so flamboyantly, so limitlessly, and with such extravagance that Vanilla Ice would feel compelled to bow and kiss your crusty toe as the true King of Suck. You will retain the title of King of Suck until I can have a good day's sleep again without your hammering, your sawing, and your beeping trucks and assorted heavy machinery. And you will retain the lifelong title of Royal Archduke of Suck, for your flagrantly inconsiderate and unnecessary disfigurement of the throughways of downtown Bumhump.

And that's about all of that.

It's great to be back.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Posted by Frida Peeple at 11:10 AM | Comments (1)

News Y-Fronts Part Something-or-other

~Cherry bombs in the boys' room are a threat of the past. The new scourge: Student spells. You know, this is exactly why people need to be more educated about witchcraft. The chances of a teenager, or even a group of teenagers, having the experience and focus to raise enough energy--and direct it well enough--to actually harm anybody besides themselves are so slim, it's hilarious. That's not to say they can't become good at it if they apply themselves, but the "Principal sucks, I'm gonna hex his ass" crowd generally aren't your A students. What I wanna know is this: Why does a high school have a playground?

~50% off hummer with coupon!

~And the award for "Stupidest Weapon To Use When Attacking Police" goes to...the cobra dude. You gotta be careful with those cheap snakes. They'll backfire on ya.

~If you work at Mickey D's, these guys'll make you wanna think twice about spitting in people's burgers.

~Two Norwegian rappers have pulled their latest single after 5000 sales because of a clause they put in their contract. What makes this a weird story is not that Jaa9 and OnklP have such a Winchester Mansion of a contract. It's the fact that a Norwegian rap single sold 5000 copies. [I'm 1/4 Norwegian myself, but come on. That's like gangsta polka.]

~And if you thought YOUR boss had a shitty reason for firing you...how about taking an unauthorized Iraqi Human Ashtray Cruise?

~Now, this is just plain creepy. George, take some of your millions and get some security cameras or something.

And finally...

~The Rusty Nail Diet! I have no idea what it does to you, besides giving you lockjaw so you can't stuff Mallomars into your face, but if I were her, I'd buy stock in the company that makes Preparation H.

I'm Frida Peeple, bringing you News That Doesn't Suck.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Posted by Frida Peeple at 07:12 AM | Comments (0)

September 26, 2004

Amazing

what you can do with copy and paste.

Sunday Brunch

1) If you had a wedding, what flowers did you have at your wedding?
Not married.

2) What is your favorite flower?
Rose, snapdragon or violet.

3) Do you have flowers as part of your landscaping outside or your interior decor?
Not much.

4) If you went to your high school prom(s), what kind of flower did you wear in your corsage or boutonniere?
Fake.

5) Do you like to receive flowers as a gift or do you think it is a waste of money?
Like them except for the pollen.

sbt/sbc

Posted by Frida Peeple at 04:15 AM | Comments (0)

September 23, 2004

Sabbatical

I'm going to be taking a break for a couple weeks. I'm going to unplug my keyboard and have my ma hide it at her house to resist the temptation to chat constantly, and I'm going to try to do some painting [and possibly some cleaning]. I will keep posting, just less often, and probably just with quick updates or posts I've saved as drafts. If nothing else, I'll have to check in every few days just to make sure the comments aren't deluged in spam.

In the meanwhile, here are a few links which you may or may not have visited before:

~Cockeyed's How Much Is Inside

~Francis Bacon

~Jesus of the Week

~Bitch Magazine

~Human Descent

~Soup of the Evening...Beautiful Soup

~MyRedSelf

~FirstGov Government Links

~Kerry

See ya soon!

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Posted by Frida Peeple at 10:02 AM | Comments (1)

September 22, 2004

damn near forgot...

Happy Mabon/Equinox, everybody.

image hastily thrown together by me

sbt/sbc

Posted by Frida Peeple at 10:41 AM | Comments (0)

September 21, 2004

I have a new favourite song.

To the tune of "Bridge over the River Kwai"

Hitler, he only had one ball.
Goering had two but they were small.
Himmler had something similar.
And Goebbels, had no balls, at all.

[Found in the comments section of a recent Jewish-related post on Alas, A Blog.]

sbt/sbc

Posted by Frida Peeple at 07:17 AM | Comments (0)

September 20, 2004

Fill in the blanks!

Le Madness.

1. My ________ is the most used piece of furniture in my house.
Computer chair.

2. The one electronic 'gadget' that I use most often is my ________.
Boom box. The car stereo doesn't work.

3. My favorite appliance, and the one I absolutely cannot live without is the _______.
Fridge.

4. One thing that I thought I just HAD to have at one time, and I now barely ever use, is my _______.
Inflatable chair.

5. I find it easiest to keep in touch with family and friends via ________.
E-mail and phone.

6. I own more cd's (or other music media) than I do _________.
Pretty much everything except books.

7. All my important addresses are stored in/on my _________.
Little purple book and e-mail addy book.

8. If I had to live without TWO keys on my keyboard, I would choose _________.
Insert [which I have actually pried out because I keep hitting it when I backspace] and Pause Break, the function of which I have never figured out and don't care.

9. I probably own about _____ pieces of software that I haven't used in years.
I have no idea. At least half the crap that came with Windows 98 and some of the stuff my brother installed on the system when he owned it. There's stuff on here I've never used in my life and probably never will.

10. There are a few food items that I try NEVER to run out of, and those would be __________.
Ground turkey, instant cappuccino mix, instant potatoes, onions.

Well, that did that. Think I'll stick the Brunch in here too while I'm at it.

School Supplies!
1) Do you prefer wide rule or college rule notebook paper?
College.

2) What is your favorite writing instrument?
Automatic pencil.

3) What is the one office or school supply that you canít live without?
Post-its.

4) Staples or paper clips?
Depends on how long I need the sheets to stay together.

5) Describe the contents of the top of your desk.
Everything but the kitchen sink.

'kay, bye

sbt/sbc

Posted by Frida Peeple at 05:11 AM | Comments (1)

September 17, 2004

Ill-considered Ad

I've been seeing this ad in the paper all week and I finally had to cut it out and share it.

You know, I'm pretty sure that what they're trying to say is that they're looking for a cook and they have the best customers. But, uh...could they maybe have worded it just a tad better?

Is this what they really mean by 'we don't serve your kind here'?

sbt/sbc

Posted by Frida Peeple at 12:31 PM | Comments (0)

September 15, 2004

It is STILL raining.

It started late Monday evening. It is now Wednesday morning. At this point, I am grateful of two things:

1. I can swim.

2. I don't live on the ground floor.

It wouldn't be so bad, except that the alley I usually take when I walk to work not only is flooded in places, but also has a great fucking pile of dirt, which is taller than me and at least two car lengths long and one car length wide, blocking the entire space between the buildings. The result of this, since the rain, is that I have to either a] go around the block instead of cutting through the alley or b] slog through several inches of water, mud and floating hunks of styrofoam along the side of the building, at the edge of the dirt pile.

The worst part? We've had a day and a half of solid thunderstorms and not one power outage. But power outages suck, you say. Not when they happen at work, I say. Especially when all your presses run on electricity and the facility doesn't have enough functioning emergency lights to make any kind of work possible at night.

Of course, at home, I have candles.

Eh.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Link plug for the day: Pinko Feminist Hellcat.

Posted by Frida Peeple at 07:36 AM | Comments (0)

September 14, 2004

mmm, links

Changed the links around a smidge...added some new stuff, and, with much regret, deleted Hormonal Bitch from the blogroll. Why, you ask? Well, when you have a group blog, and not one of the participants uploads an entry for two full months, it sorta becomes pointless to stop by. Sorry, gals. I see Pick Up Your Own Damn Socks [pickupyourowndamnsocks.com] looks like it's gone too; I've been getting an error page on that for weeks. Ah well, blogs come and blogs go.

I was going to link to these people in the sidebar, but Waxhouse has WAY more stuff, and although I appreciate their efforts to make products available to the pagan market, it just rubs me the wrong way to see a depiction of Venus--with arms--referred to as a "Venus de Milo" or an Egyptian cat candle mold called "Egyptian/Wiccan Cat" [especially when the ankh candle mold doesn't even make it into the so-called Wiccan section--I mean, hey, if we're going to put Hotei Buddhas, which are also spelled wrong, in the Wiccan section...]. Also, I have to wonder about anybody who thinks wax-dipped teddy bears are a good idea. Maybe it's just me, but it doesn't sound like something you'd give to somebody. At least not somebody you're not trying to frighten.

sbt/sbc

Posted by Frida Peeple at 08:41 PM | Comments (0)

Batman Scales Buckingham Palace To Protest Fathers' Limited Custody Rights

No, I am not making this up.

From Yahoo:

LONDON - Holy intruder! A protester dressed in a Batman costume scaled the front wall of Buckingham Palace on Monday and perched for more than five hours on a ledge near the balcony where the royal family appears on ceremonial occasions.

The protester's success in climbing the wall in front of the queen's main residence prompted fresh questions about the much-criticized and recently overhauled royal security operation.

...

Hatch, 33, from Gloucester, is a member of the Fathers 4 Justice group, which is campaigning for greater custody rights for divorced or separated fathers and has staged a number of prominent stunts to promote their cause.

And from Ananova:

Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir John Stevens will today closely scrutinise the report into yesterday's embarrassing security breach at Buckingham Palace.

Fathers 4 Justice protester Jason Hatch, dressed as Batman, climbed over one of the palace walls and stood precariously on a ledge for more than five hours.

He was aided in his stunt to promote awareness of fathers' rights by Dave Pyke, who was dressed as Batman's sidekick Robin. Both men were still being held in custody today in a central London police station, a Scotland Yard spokeswoman said.

You know, in a way, you gotta feel sorry for these guys. All they want is to spend time with their kids and get some family law reforms passed. But do you think they're going about it the right way? I mean, if you couldn't get visitation before you dressed up like a comic-book character and illegally climbed the royal palace, what do you think your chances are now?

Well, best of luck to 'em, anyway.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Drug for the day: Baby aspirin. Orange flavoured. mmmmm...

Posted by Frida Peeple at 08:14 AM | Comments (0)

September 13, 2004

Yes, it's Monday again.

And we know what that means.

1. You are given 1 million dollars. You must give it all away before the donor gives you $1 million. Who would you give it to?
My folks. If I couldn't give it to a relative, I'd give it to Planned Parenthood.

2. If you had $1 million what would you do with it FIRST?
Pay off my student loan.

3. Do you participate in lotteries?
I'm of the school of thought that holds that lotteries are a tax on poor math skills. If I ever started playing one, it would probably have more to do with what the state does with the money that's not given away [roads, preservation of natural resources, &c.] than with any hope that I'm actually going to win something.

4. Name 3 of your best physical features.
Hair, hands and boobs.

5. ..... 3 of your biggest virtues.
I make an effort to think for myself; I give to charitable causes when I can afford to; I try to improve myself so that my presence is a more positive influence on other people [and also so I don't piss off any more people than I need to].

6. ..... 3 of your biggest vices.
Meat, caffeine and losing my temper.

7. ...... 3 of your favorite pleasures in life.
Nature, food, and music.

8. If you were a member of the opposite sex, what would you choose to do for your occupation?
Same thing I'm doing now. Why should my occupation change with my gender? Uh...wait...This IS the 21st century, right??

9. If you were to come back after death as another animal, what animal would you choose to be?
Another Homo sapiens. I don't wanna be a different species, the way we treat this place.

10. What kind of 'baby' are you... water, clouds, beach, garden?
Well, I'm an adult...and I'm not sure I understand the question. Are you asking what my preferred environment is? I suppose if that's the case, I'd have to say I'm a "central heat and air" baby.

And that's a wrap.

sbt/sbc

Posted by Frida Peeple at 06:18 AM | Comments (0)

September 12, 2004

Hell, I don't know.

Recently purchased:

~Swim cap
~Pork chops
~Abbey Road
~VO5 detangling conditioner
~Birthday cards

Recently seen:

~Dead raccoons
~A tiny chubby lady in a gigantic SUV that was so tall that she could barely be seen over the steering wheel
~A 2-aisle Halloween display that had NO black candles [dammit]
~Lovely sunrises
~A little kid pushing his new walker and sounding very excited to show it to his dad

Recently spoke to:

~My folks
~A total stranger in Hy-Vee who lent me her pen so I could make out my check while waiting in line [thank you again, whoever you are]
~My brother
~The people in the adult swim class [is it just me, or are older people more friendly?]
~My cat

Recently consumed:

~Chicken nuggets
~Multiple spiked cappuccinos
~Mountain Dew Pitch Black, which tastes sorta like carbonated grape Kool-Aid and would not, I imagine, make as nice a mixer with cherry vodka as Code Red would
~Whole-wheat spaghetti with herbs and butter
~Lots of water

Recently considered:

~Majoring in sociology with a criminal justice concentration
~Lighting a fire under the ass of whoever's supposed to be ticketing those brats with the car stereos
~Getting completely shitfaced
~Buying more jigsaw puzzles, even though I don't do the ones I have
~Writing my will so that my folks are the first beneficiaries, my one brother is the second should they be deceased, and my niece and nephew be the third choice should the rest of my immediate family be gone. If they turn out to be shiftless jerks [can you really tell for sure at this age? I don't think so], the clothes will go to the nearest women's shelter, the books and CDs will go to the nearest library, and everything else will be auctioned off and the proceeds, such as they are, donated to Planned Parenthood.

Yes, it's morbid. There's something about things like 9/11 that make you want to be prepared for the inevitable should it happen sooner than you expect. I imagine some of those people's families would have been grateful if there'd been updated wills in place. I'd have to count myself among those people who, given the space, WOULD buy a casket at Costco ahead of time and store it somewhere in the house. I mean, you KNOW you're gonna use it someday. I think when/if I get into the $30-40K income bracket, I'm gonna start buying things like that, plots and stones and whatnot, so it's all ready. Whoever ends up sorting all that stuff out after I'm dead either will be grieving or will not have known me well enough to give a shit, so it's better to have it sorted beforehand and not saddle anybody with costs I can easily pay myself.

It's gonna suck. I'm gonna have to start all the hell over again when I come back, if I come back. I can't remember any lives I may have had in the past, so I don't imagine I'll remember this one either. Sort of a waste, really; do all this stuff and learn all the things you learn, and then next time around, you don't remember dick shit about it.

Well.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Lyric for the day:
& i see the reaper's number on my caller id
just let it ring
he'll hang up as always

--Me, from several years ago

Posted by Frida Peeple at 05:26 AM | Comments (0)

September 10, 2004

very, very tired and probably not coherent

My brother's flying back east today. We're sad to see him go, though two weeks is a long enough visit, I think.

But.

I beat him at cribbage.

Before you say "Whoopty shit," let me give a little background here. This is the person who, if you took your Rubik's cube and twiddled it until each side looked like a patchwork quilt and was apparently unfixable, could solve it. [And his Rubik's Revenge. And his Alexander's Star.] This is the person who will spend half an hour on a Scrabble move, plotting how to use all 7 letters at least once during the game, and most of the time, he manages to do it. It got so I wouldn't want to play games with him, unless they were games of pure chance, because any game requiring skill and strategy--even if we'd just bought it that day--was a gimme for him. He just sees strategies and moves, like a medium sees spirits. And if he doesn't see one right away, by gum, he'll stick with it until he logics one out.

But Thursday morning, after I got off work and was ready to keel over snoring, and he'd just got up, we played a couple games of cribbage. The first one, he almost skunked me, but the second one, I got him. And part of it was luck, as it always is with cards. But cribbage has enough of a skill element that if your opponent is a more sophisticated player than you are, your chances of winning on luck alone are fair-to-shit.

Go, me.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

It's Happy Bunny playing card for the day: Eight of spades. Text: "I love everybody. except you pinheads."

Posted by Frida Peeple at 09:47 AM | Comments (0)

September 09, 2004

um...why?

Why, exactly, do we have Patriot Day? I'm supposing it's meant as to honour the 9/11 victims, seeing as it falls on 11 Sep. and is apparently a new holiday [my 2003 and previous calendars do not mention it, although they do mention every Christian, Jewish and national secular holiday]. I don't know about you, but I don't really need a special day set aside to remember that. I think about it plenty the way it is, thank you. I mean, it might be nice to have 20 years down the line, once people have more or less forgotten about it. Then it'll be a remembrance holiday like D-Day for about, oh, 50 years or so, until everybody who was actually alive at the time is ancient or dead, and everybody who wasn't around at the time sorta doesn't care, as is the case now with important WWI [and many WWII] dates.

And you know, I suppose it's necessary, seeing as we don't have, y'know, Flag Day or Independence Day or anything like that to celebrate our patriotism. And frankly, I really don't feel like celebrating the idea of patriotism itself, because patriotism has been redefined and reframed to fit every wacko-ass point of view from soup to nuts that the word's fucking meaningless now. Is it nationalism, or is it simply respect for one's country, or is it love of constitutionally granted freedom, or is it foaming-at-the-mouth America-is-always-right-love-it-as-is-or-leave-it-ism? I've seen people espousing all of those positions call themselves "patriots," so I haven't the faintest idea now. And it's been worn into the ground so much, and used as a buzzword to manipulate people so often, that I sorta don't give a crap anymore. I have a feeling I should feel sad about that, but all I can come up with is a mild annoyance and a vague emptiness which, I'm sorry to have to tell you, is not flag-shaped.

If you feel you simply must celebrate something in mid-September, celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day on the 19th. It's a few years older, it certainly isn't any more artificial, and it's arguably more meaningful. At least you don't have all 57 flavours of dipshits running round calling themselves pirates until nobody can agree what a pirate is anymore.

And vote, for fuck's sake. I don't care if it's for Dora the Damn Explorer. Just vote.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Quote for the day: "If it's tourist season, how come we can't shoot 'em?" [Seen on a foam beer-can holder]

Posted by Frida Peeple at 07:51 AM | Comments (0)

September 06, 2004

Yes, another meme.

Ze Madness. Labour Day edition.

1. Please tell us a little bit about your job (or your classes).
I do QC inspection and some inventory control.

2. Do you enjoy your job?
Oh, please.

3. What would make your job more satisfying for you?
The opportunity to use upper management staff as pinatas.

4. Name one thing you don't like about your job.
Only one? Okay, the Dracula hours.

5. Do you feel you are compensated adequately for what you do?
I used to think I almost kinda was, until I read the annual ASQ salary poll and found that the mean salary for my position, even during the recession, is twice what I'm making. So, no.

6. Any thoughts on social security and health benefits?
None that are printable here.

7. What are your thoughts on the current minimum wage?
It's fine if you like eating out of garbage cans.

8. What kind of advice do you (or would you) give your children regarding their future and their career choices?
Get disabled as soon as possible, or learn Hindi, because by the time you're grown up, the only place that will have any jobs will be India. [Actually, that's one of the reasons I'm not having any children. I think it would be grossly unfair to foist the kind of global economy we're likely to have in 20 years on innocent, unsuspecting youth.]

9. What is your 'dream job?'
Either beating up rapists or handing out birth control.

10. At what age will you be (or were you) able to retire?
Aha! A trick question! I'm in Generation X. There won't be Social Security by the time I'm 67, so my "retirement" will be in a pine box.

Must post now...

sbt/sbc

Posted by Frida Peeple at 07:10 PM | Comments (1)

September 05, 2004

If you live in the US and vote, read this.

By entering a 2-digit code in a hidden location, a second set of votes is created. This set of votes can be changed, so that it no longer matches the correct votes. The voting system will then read the totals from the bogus vote set. It takes only seconds to change the votes, and to date not a single location in the U.S. has implemented security measures to fully mitigate the risks. ...[more]

From BlackBoxVoting.org. Link most gratefully lifted from EBC.

sbt/sbc

Posted by Frida Peeple at 11:28 AM | Comments (0)

Just for gits & shiggles...

Last week's Sunday Brunch.

1. Indoor or outdoor weddings?
Have whatever kind you like. I don't go to them, and I'll continue not going to them until somebody really close to me decides to get married and I decide, for the sake of friendship, to endure a wedding. [Relatives that I never see don't count.]

2. How many weddings have you been in?
One: my aunt's wedding when I was four.

3. When you were married (or if there is a wedding in your future), what type of wedding did or would you have?
If somebody ever managed to browbeat me into marrying them and sharing their financial burden, there would be a justice of the peace ceremony with close friends as witnesses, and possibly a dinner afterwards. No, I wouldn't have a handfasting. It's too analogous to a church wedding*, for one thing; and for another thing, I only know about 2 other pagans in the area, so who am I going to invite? You can imagine a Wiccan handfasting with only 3 or 4 people who actually know what the ceremony is supposed to be like, and then another dozen Christians standing round with uncomfortable expressions on their faces, wondering what the hell's going on, who this Lord and Lady are, and whether they're going to hell for being there. No thank you. I don't need the expense, I don't need the weirdness, and I don't need the drunks. [I especially don't need the drunks.] I also don't need the extraordinarily large number of Perfumey People who always seem to attend social functions in the mistaken belief that people 100 yards away want to have their sinuses swollen shut by the sinister green clouds of poured-on cologne and aftershave that the Perfumey People refer to as "a little dab of scent."

4. Have you caught the bouquet or garter?
No. I wouldn't want it, and if the bride knew anything about me, she wouldn't throw it my way.

5. Tell us about a funny, scary or memorable wedding moment.
I can't. I don't remember my aunt's wedding. I was four.

***

Somebody get rid of this damn headache for me. I don't really care how anymore.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Quote for the day: "I don't mind going to weddings, as long as it's not my own..." --Tom Waits, intro to "Better Off Without A Wife"
____
*Church weddings = From what I hear, too much booze-guzzling, too much sobbing and weeping, too much noise in general for my taste. Yes, that still applies if only 6 people show up.

Posted by Frida Peeple at 10:43 AM | Comments (0)

September 01, 2004

News Y-Fronts Part 72

~Holy boinking fruit! Now, when you look at these wrappers, it looks like the fruit could be screwing...or it could just be "playfully romping," like the article says. I think you'd sorta have to have a slightly dirty mind in the first place to interpret it the first way. [Actually, it kinda looks like the lemon is trying to hump the green dude, and he's trying to push her away.]

~Everybody needs goals. Too bad she couldn't have hooked up with this dude.

And last...

~It's bad enough when your parents like your brother better than they like you, but "slap in the face" doesn't even begin to describe how the daughter of these people must feel. [Jacko may be a complete freakazoid, but at least he likes real kids.] If I were her, I'd have taken lighter fluid and a match to their precious Kevin years ago. You know, the more I think about this story, the more it smells like an urban legend. More on this if I find it.

Aaaaand that's the news.

Same bitch time, same bitch channel...

Thought for the day: Can you claim a Cabbage Patch Kid as a dependent on your tax return?

Posted by Frida Peeple at 09:25 AM | Comments (0)