If you're one of those people who collects Barbies in their original boxes, or displays them on doll stands in a special case in your home, or simply reveres them in any way, you may not want to read this. If you're eating, or if you're somebody's grandma or something, or if you just have a hangup about anal matters, you may also not want to read this. Of course, if that's the case, you probably stopped reading looooong ago.
From News of the Weird:
In a 2003 issue of the American Journal of Roentgenology, two Seattle radiologists described a 35-year-old man with severe abdominal pain but normal vital signs, who was found to have "multiple" heads from Barbie dolls lodged in his small bowel, which he attributed to his pursuit of the pleasurable anal sensation he gets from excreting them. After a straight-laced description of how doll heads show up differently from other objects on X-rays, the authors advised radiologists to "keep in mind that human imagination may not follow clinical algorithms." [American Journal of Roentgenology, April 2003, p. 986]
Once I got done laughing, snorting and very nearly peeing myself after reading this, several questions sprang to mind...
1] Does this guy use the same heads over and over, or does he have a whole closet somewhere full of headless Barbies whose little plastic crania have gone....
2] Where? Does he flush them when he's done, or what? What, exactly, do they get "excreted" into?
3] Does this guy have a personal ad somewhere that reads something like, "SWM, 35, NS, likes fishing, quiet evenings at home, pooping Barbie heads. Seeking SF, 28-37, with large Barbie collection that she doesn't need anymore. Prefer ladies who poop Ken heads."
4] What does he do with the bodies? Are they all in a closet somewhere, or does he throw them out, or rub them against his weenie, or what?
5] Where'd he get them? Did he buy the Barbies in the store, or did he steal them from his kids or something? [Good gravy, I hope this guy doesn't have kids.]
6] How many Barbie heads did he have in there, anyway? It must have been quite a few in order to cause him enough pain to have X-rays taken.
7] Doesn't the defecation of Barbie heads sound exactly like the kind of thing you'd see in a Mapplethorpe photo exhibit, or perhaps a performance art piece in New York or L.A.?
8] What's so special about Barbie heads anyway? Is it the hair or something? Couldn't the guy just glue hair on anal beads? Or better yet, couldn't he shishkebab some Barbie heads on a stick and use it for anal beads so they wouldn't get lodged in places where they'd cause bowel obstruction? Must be a symbolic thing.
I don't know, man. If the time ever comes when I desperately need to feel like I'm normal, all I'll have to do is re-read that article.
By the way, I found the American Journal of Roentgenology online, but to access articles from it, you have to subscribe to it or pay $10 for a 24-hour access period for that article. The search I did, though, provided small fragments of the article that indicated that he swallowed them, which--I HOPE--answers question 1.
I'm going to go think about kitties and butterflies for a while. And then I'm going to do What's On, which will appear shortly in the next entry.
same bitch time, same bitch channel...
Thought for the day: If I were Weird Al, and I read about this dude, I'd have my name immediately changed to Relatively Normal Al. Also, the Barbie Head Poopers would be an excellent band name.
Posted by Frida Peeple at April 7, 2004 07:57 AMOMG!!!!
That was so funny I had to pass it on to friends.
And we agree, it's an excellent band name....
bruahahahahaha
U MADE MY DAY *roflmao*
and u'r so right.. i feel damn normal like a drop of water, if i read _that_ article *g*
btw, if u know german, visit me at my blog :)
Posted by: Koldran at April 10, 2004 05:24 AM