Have you been watching any of this testimony in front of the 9/11 Commission, or at least the coverage of it? Wow. I haven’t seen this much finger-pointing and blame-deflecting since the Baldwin/Basinger divorce. Yikes.
No one seems willing to take any real responsibility for what happened. Do you know why? It’s because of this fundamental point that I believe to be true: the Clinton administration, the Bush administration and the intelligence community are NOT responsible for the September 11th attacks.
Osama Bin Laden and al-Qaida are responsible.
That’s it… that’s the list!
Yes, it is that simple. Now look, could things have been done differently beforehand? Of course they could have. Pretty much all things in life, when looked back upon could have turned out differently. That’s just life.
That said, I am continuing to be amazed that George Tenet still has a job. I mean there have been 2 HUGE mess-ups under his watch: Sept. 11th and no WMD’s in Iraq. Not a good track record agreed?
I have major issues with our President, but not preventing 9/11 is not among them. Yes, I believe he underestimated Bin Laden and al-Qaida, but so did the Clinton administration and clearly, so did the CIA. It’s Bush’s reaction to it that has concerned me most. I do believe Richard Clarke when he alleges that Bush was hell-bent on Iraq immediately after 9/11, but I do not believe he was responsible for 9/11 itself.
The INS is really the government department that should still be catching more heat. 19 hijackers waltzed into this country and easily and openly prepped for an act of war. No one was checking on their status. No one was doing their job. Of course, the FAA & CIA failed to recognize these ‘flight students’ might pose a threat when they wanted to learn to fly but not land or take-off. Clearly there were huge mess-ups.
Now this commission is supposed to find out the ‘real story’. Well, the real story is that there are people around the world that are hell-bent on killing us. They can’t fight a conventional war and win, so they fight a non-conventional one. And, we were caught unaware. I don’t blame any one person for that.
Clarke can go on every TV station we have in the country and yap about what Bush did or didn’t do. Of course he can, because Monday morning quarterbacking is an American tradition. Donald Rumsfeld, Tenet, Paul Wolfowitz, Condoleezza Rice, et al, can all swear under oath that they did all they could, but it doesn’t matter. It’s over and what we do now is much more important. Sidebar: Dr. Rice’s (she is in the top 5% of the most brilliant people on the planet, by the way) original refusal to testify has blown way out of proportion. It only affected ‘perception’, which tells you a lot about this commission’s mission.
To me, finding out what happened is not nearly as important as making sure it never happens again. More than that, finding out what they have planned for us next time. And there will be a next time. Something tells me it won’t be hijacking airliners and flying them into anything. It will be something quite different. Hopefully it will be something we have thought of… unlike what happened on September 11, 2001.
Emptying out the desk drawer of the mind…
Today is the 25th anniversary of the highest-rated college basketball game in history. March 26, 1979, Larry Bird’s Indiana State Sycamores against Magic Johnson’s Michigan State Spartans. A game that would change basketball forever. That’s no lie. The results… an all-time rivalry, a new level of greatness and a butt-load of money. They all still resonate today in basketball.
Today is also the last day of ‘The Tony Kornheiser Show’ on ESPN Radio. It is among my favorite radio shows of all-time. Not just a sports show, it was irreverent, funny, intelligent and never took itself too seriously (the email address for the show was: thisshowstinks@espnradio.com). We will miss you, ‘Satchmo’.
I hate those mid-season “highlight” shows on ‘Survivor’. Though, the one this past week was the least miserable of them all.
This 9/11 Commission is a joke. And it’s so politicized, it’s just ludicrous. The only true accountability we can gain from that day will be when Osama Bin Laden lying on a slab in some third world morgue.
All guys know that when a female bartender/waitress is smiling and being really nice to you, it is all being done to get a good tip. She doesn’t really care about you. Well, the same is true for a hot chick that works at the gym (sans the tip issue). They are just being nice so you will keep paying them their monthly fee. See? I am on to you Lisa at the gym… you can’t fool me. No sir.
The new Miller Lite ad that makes fun of the Viagra commercials kills me. Can’t see it enough.
I said a few weeks back that Dick Cheney scared the shit out me. You can add old pal Donald Rumsfeld to that list. Dear God. Did you see that special on him last night? Frightening. John Ashcroft is right there too.
Why is that William Hung guy from ‘American Idol’ still showing up on my television?
I have a disturbingly deep crush on NBC’s Campbell Brown (‘Weekend Today’ host). I can’t take my eyes off her.
ESPN’s ‘Dream Job’ wraps up this Sunday. I say Mike Hall wins it all. (No, that was not supposed to rhyme) Just a hunch. It will probably be Zach, however.
I forgot to mention it last week: The ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ finale was funny as hell. Larry passing up sex because the chick was a Republican was classic.
I noticed that so far, in retaliation for the terrorist attacks in Madrid, that Spain has not invaded a country that had nothing to do with it. Hmmm…
Jim Carrey needs to grow his hair back. He’s freaking me out.
I think there should be a drinking game involved with watching ‘CSI: Miami’. You know, take a drink every time Horatio puts his hands on his hips (two drinks if he puts on sunglasses just before it). Take a drink every time the coroner chick talks to a dead body. Take a drink every time Horatio and that detective, who’s his sister-in-law, stare at one another down a hallway, but say nothing. You know, like that.
Joke of the Week:
A man goes for a prostate exam. The proctologist is checking him out when he discovers a roll of hundreds in the guy’s colon. He pulls it out and counts the money.
“You’re not going to believe this,” says the doctor. “But I’ve just found $1,900 inside your rectum.”
“Hmm,” says the patient. “Well, I guess that explains why I haven’t been feeling too grand.”
There should be 3 good races in the NL this year. Especially in the Central, where the Cubs are loaded, the Astros are prepping for a run and the Cardinals still have a chance.
East- One word: Upheaval. The Phillies have the most talent and a new ballpark. But, except for the Phils, the division got weaker overall. Unless the Phillies stumble and the Marlins suffer a World Series hangover, the Braves run is over… I swear.
1. Philadelphia Phillies- The Vet is gone. So too is the worry about the closer. The Phils got themselves one of the best in Billy Wagner. This team will hit and Jim Thome will win the HR crown, but the starting pitching is the key, as usual. They have the new stadium and the players, but they also have the pressure
2. Florida Marlins- The World champs did lose some key guys such as I-Rod, Derek Lee and Braden Looper, but they still have some studs in the field with Miguel Cabrera and Mike Lowell. The staff needs to be healthy. Josh Beckett could win 20, but no AJ Burnett until mid-season is not what they need. No repeat here.
2. Atlanta Braves- The reign ends this season. Oh, the Braves will be good, but not good enough, for the first time in a dozen years. The pitching losses are mounting and there are just not enough (healthy) arms. Look for an emergence of JD Drew and the ‘Jones boys’ will play well, but the run is over… for now.
4. Montreal Expos- This vagabond team might as well play their games on Al Jazeera, no one will be watching anyway. Where they will be playing is more interesting than who will be playing. They lost Vladdy and Vazquez and are left with some young talent and lots of question marks. They are still better than the Mets.
5. New York Mets- The Mets actually cut payroll this year... seriously. Lots of new faces including Japanese import SS Kaz Matsui. That moves stud Jose Reyes to 2B and gives this team some life. But this squad needs more time.
Central- The most anticipated race in the league this season. With the Cubs performance last year and some key additions they are the favorites. They are not locks, however. The Astros’ additions of Pettite & Clemens make them very dangerous.
1. Chicago Cubs- Mark Prior starting the year on the DL is not good news. The health of this team is an issue. If healthy, however, this team is loaded. With the additions of Greg Maddux, Derek Lee, Michael Barrett & LaTroy Hawkins, the Cubs are better than last year when they were 5 outs from the Series. Oh, and no Steve Bartman.
2. Houston Astros- The Astros announced their presence with the additions of Roger Clemens and his bitch, Andy Pettite. The rotation is great: Clemens, Pettite, Oswalt and Miller. The question mark for them is their replacement for closer Billy Wagner: Octavio Dotel. If he can be even close to as effective as Wagner, the Astros can win this division.
3. St. Louis Cardinals- The Cards are still a talented, but changed, bunch. They will need some things to go right this season for a shot at the division, or more likely, the wild card. They still have the incomparable Albert Pujols and his ree-diculous 1.106 OPS. Matt Morris’ health and good years from Woody Williams, Jason Marquis and Jeff Suppan would go along way too.
4. Cinncinnati Reds- This team will hit some bombs with the likes of Adam Dunn, Austin Kearns & perhaps a healthy Ken Griffey Jr.? That’s if Junior is not traded. The Opening Day starter is Corey Lidle, that’s all that needs to be said about the staff.
5. Pittsburgh Pirates- They no longer have Brian Giles, they are trying to trade Jason Kendall and Kris Benson. But, they are the luckiest team in baseball. Why? Because they play in the same division as the Brewers…
6. Milwaukee Brewers- Not good times in Suds City. The Brewers are going to be sued by the city, they have traded their best player (Richie Sexson) and play in one of the toughest divisions in baseball. It’s going to be a great year.
West- Tough race to call. The D’Backs have been overhauled. The Giants are old, and are dealing the Bonds/BALCO issue. The Dodgers have new ownership but still can’t hit and the Padres open a new ballpark.
1. San Francisco Giants- The G-men lost two leaders (Benito Santiago/Rich Aurilia) this off-season, but did get a good young catcher in AJ Pierzynski. Bonds’ mental health will be key since he is the epicenter of the steroid scandal. The physical health of Jason Schmidt is of concern too. Felipe Alou has his work cut out.
1. Arizona Diamondbacks- The D’Backs should benefit from a division that is mediocre. Because they are too. However, any team with Randy Johnson has a chance. They add Richie Sexson to the lineup and team stud Brandon Webb with The Big Unit and that should be enough to keep them in the division race, if not win it.
3. Los Angeles Dodgers- This team HAS to trade for some offense. They were the worst in baseball last year and cannot wait for Nomar to come next off-season. They need some pop quickly. Of course, if Shawn Green were to be resurrected, that would be nice too.
4. San Diego Padres- The Padres are pumped for the new campaign. A new ballpark and some really nice additions to the team in David Wells, Brian Giles, Terrance Long and Ramon Hernandez. Could finish ahead of the Dodgers. A healthy Trevor Hoffman at the end of the bullpen is huge.
5. Colorado Rockies- The Rockies have had a major roster turnover that leaves them with Shawn Estes as the Opening Day starter. Yikes. No way to tell how this team will gel, if they do at all. Note: Jeromy Burnitz is a sleeper for fantasy geeks. Oh, and keep your eye on Larry Walker’s groin… wait, that didn’t come out right.
ENJOY!!
Ahh, the annual fantasy baseball draft. Good times. Each year I head back home to Boston for my fantasy baseball draft with the guys. My friends and I have had a league for about a dozen years now. We have our own unique point system and our own unique brand of humor. All the guys were there… Moses, Charley Mack, Bic, Lawdog, Peon, Dancer, Rocco, etc.
Truth be told the fantasy draft, in any sport, is a necessary evil. It is the most important part of fantasy sports, yet the least fun. Sure, it’s nice to hang with the guys, but after 5hrs of the same old/lame jokes, disgusting smells, clueless participants and blindness due to reading spreadsheets straight out of Wall St… trust me it gets old.
We usually hold our draft on a Sunday afternoon, but due to schedules, we had to move it to Saturday night at 5pm. Uggh. Way to ruin a good Saturday night.
I thought about doing a running diary, but there was too much to do as the rounds went by. I had not prepared very much this year. I was cramming the last few days before the draft and still getting caught up during it. However, I knew I would be ok when guys started showing up with stats… and beer. I was not going to drink but when I saw that most were, I knew I would be alright.
I picked 7th, which is a good spot and concentrated on pitching and ‘safe’ guys. You know, players who are consistent and not often injured. I subscribe to the ‘devil you know’ theory. Which may explain why I have never won this particular league.
Anyway, here is the roster (back-ups in parentheses) for the 2004 Green Monstahs:
1B Jason Giambi NYY (Paul Konerko CHW)
2B Jose Reyes NYM (Luis Rivas MIN)
3B Morgan Ensberg HOU (Sean Burroughs SD)
SS Jimmy Rollins PHI (Rich Aurilia SEA)
C Javy Lopez BAL (Jason LaRue CIN)
OF Manny Ramirez BOS (Shannon Stewart MIN)
OF JD Drew ATL (Tim Salmon ANA)
OF Carlos Lee CHW (Jason Bay PIT)
DH Adam Dunn CIN
SP Roy Halladay TOR (Darrell May KC)
SP Javier Vazquez NYY (Jake Peavy SD)
SP Wade Miller HOU (Kris Benson PIT)
SP Matt Clement CHC (Ryan Franklin SEA)
SP Rich Harden OAK
RP Mariano Rivera NYY (Shawn Chacon COL)
RP Braden Looper NYM (Scott Williamson BOS)
Not a bad squad… but too many Yankees.
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!!
Happy St. Patty's Day to one and all. I will be out of town for the rest of the week as I head back home to Boston for a long weekend (...and my fantasy baseball draft). I will return next week and tell you all about it.
Until then, may your beer be green and your liver be greener...
Joke of the Week:
A really drunk guy at a party walks up to the host and asks, “Do you have some green toilet paper that says, ‘Fuck you’?”
The host, stunned, answers, “Of course I don’t have any green toilet paper that says, ‘Fuck you.’”
“Oh, no!” the drunk cries. “I’m really sorry…I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot.”
For some reason, Major League Baseball always seems to like it’s good with it’s bad. It’s sweet with it’s sour. Its ‘Survivor’ with it’s ‘Celebrity Mole’. After a post-season as good as anyone can remember, baseball tempered those good feelings with queasy ones. The post-season included the following: an epic 7-game+ series between the Red Sox and Yankees, poor bastard Steve Bartman and the out-of-nowhere Florida Marlins, lead by 150yr old Jack McKeon, winning the World Series. How great was that?
However, that was all quickly forgotten in a sea of A-Rod/union/Red Sox nonsense, positive steroid tests, BALCO indictments, Pete Rose’s “admission” that included even more lies and one team buying everything in it’s sight, like P. Diddy at a throwback-jersey fashion show.
But, it’s now spring again and time to turn back to the diamonds. It’s AtomicTom’s annual baseball preview, and the AL is up first:
AL EAST: One word: Bloodbath. This will be a tight race with interdivisional games becoming pivotal. One-game playoff for the Sox/Yanks perhaps?
1. New York Yankees- Health is the concern of the Yankees. Chemistry is another. Talent, is not. They are loaded again, but personalities/egos need to be dealt with carefully. Good thing they have the game’s best manager. They will be dealing for a starter at the All-Star break.
1. Boston Red Sox- Could be the best Sox team in 50 years. No lie. Pedro/Schilling /Lowe are the key. Keith Foulke as the closer is huge and the defense of Pokey Reese will be reflected in the team ERA. Adding to the pressure, several guys are in their last year with the Sox. Then throw in a new manager, the screams of a 6-state fan base and yes, there is potential for disaster.
3. Baltimore Orioles- This team will bash. Palmeiro/Tejada/Lopez add some serious power to this squad. Plus, it may free up some guys to trade for pitching… because they’re gonna need it. The starters are not on par with the division and the bullpen might be worse than that.
4. Toronto Blue Jays- The Jays pitching will keep them around past the all-star break. They have added depth to the starting staff that already includes CY Young winner Roy Halladay. They can hit some too, but not enough to stay in the race all year.
5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays- Lou Pinella swears the D’Rays will not finish last. Hard to see that coming to fruition, but sweet Lou does have some young talent and they can be spoilers all year long in this division.
AL CENTRAL: The League’s most boring division. Expect the division winner to have a worse record than the wild-card winner. Again.
1. Minnesota Twins- The Twins have dominated the AL Central for a few years now, but have made no headway in the playoffs. This year they break-in former first over-all pick Joe Mauer as their new catcher and return most of the same squad. The loss of some bullpen studs, however, may allow the division to catch-up.
2. Chicago White Sox- Frank Thomas came back to life a bit last year to help the Chi-Sox stay in the race. They also got an out-of-nowhere season from Estaban Loaiza, which may not be replicated this season. If new manager Ozzie Guillen can light a fire, they will give the Twins a run
2. Kansas City Royals- Tony Pena worked a miracle last year and has some more talent to work with this year including veterans Juan Gonzalez and Benito Santiago. The pitching is injury-prone and suspect, but they will be hanging around all season.
4. Cleveland Indians- The Indians are about as an anonymous team as there is in the league. All young talent (a lot of it good), and after the inconsistent CC Sabathia, the pitching staff is just not going to get it done. Jose Jimenez will hold most leads… should they have any.
5. Detroit Tigers- 43 wins last year, and even that was a miracle. Alan Trammel does have more to work with this season with the additions of Pudge Rodriguez, Fernando Vina and Rondell White. The pitching is deplorable and the defense is so-so. In this division, however, they will win about 50-55 games.
AL WEST: Should be a 3-team race for most of the season. The Angels spent money, but is it enough to beat Oakland’s ‘Big Three’?
1. Oakland A’s- The A’s spent another off-season dealing with the loss of a top-line players. This time it was closer Keith Foulke and SS Miguel Tejada. The ‘Big Three’ (Hudson, Zito, Mulder) remain and they have added Mark Redman too. The division competition has gotten stiffer, but they can still win it again. It’s the playoffs that have killed them.
2. Anaheim Angels- The Angels had a serious case of World Series hangover last year and struggled from the get-go. However, new owner Arte Moreno dipped into the well and got Vladimir Guerrero, Jose Guillen, Kelvim Escobar and Bartolo Colon this off-season. If they perform as expected, they will give the A’s all they can handle.
3. Seattle Mariners- The Mariners have tweaked the roster from last year, adding Eddie Guardardo and Rich Aurilia to the fold. They struggled all of last year, especially on the mound with sub-par years from Freddy Garcia and Joel Pineiro. They have added nothing the rotation, but have at least some pop to overcome more pitching woes.
4. Texas Rangers- The bad news is that they lost A-Rod. The good news is that they are still paying for him. Uggh. Alfonso Soriano is really good, but this team has lost way too much. They replaced Gonzalez, Palmeiro and A-Rod with Soriano, Brian Jordan and Brad Fullmer. Oh, and the pitching staff is wretched.
National League next week...
Emptying out the desk drawer of the mind…
I feel so safe now that Martha Stewart is off the streets. Oh boy. Look, if what she did was a felony, then punish her, but let’s not lump her in with the Enron people of the world. Remember that hers was a victim-less crime. She did not adversely affect the pensions of innocent people, nor did she steal millions of dollars from a company and put it in her pocket. She’s guilty of a crime, fine, but let’s not make her out to be one who hurt ‘the little guys’ for the world.
I have been telling everyone within earshot that this season’s Sox/Yanks rivalry will be a bloodbath and possibly the most talked about sports story of the year (assuming Kobe is not outfitted with an orange jumpsuit). More proof: The Sox and Yankees played an exhibition game this past Sunday in Fort Myers, FL. The game was the 5th exhibition game for both teams. The game was sold out weeks in advance, people slept outside for standing room only tickets, 200+ media credentials were issued, tickets were selling on ebay for over $250 and commemorative pins were being sold.
‘The Sopranos’ first episode of the season was good, not great. I liked the storyline with Paulie and Christopher and look forward to Robert Loggia’s character (Feech La Manna) this season. However, Tony’s attempts to woo Dr. Melfi were uncomfortable and sorry but I cannot imagine Tony Soprano quoting Dr. Phil. Sigh. Let’s get Steve Buscemi (Tony Blundetto) on there and get this party started!
I must say that I have become a fan of the musical stylings of ‘Dashboard Confessional’. They are very good, check ‘em out.
Did you see that on-ice attack by Vancouver’s Todd Bertuzzi on Steve Moore from Colorado? That sound you just heard was among the final nails in the coffin for the NHL. Sorry, Snarky.
Why does George Tenet still have a job? Seriously. Anyone know the answer to that question?
I love it when I’m on the elliptical machine at the gym watching TV when someone steps onto the one next to me and because the remote happens to be on that machine they decide to change the channel I was watching. No really, I love that.
A bit late, but here are my Oscar thoughts:
-Sean Penn, Renee Zellewegger and Tim Robbins were all very deserving.
-Did not see Charlize Theron in ‘Monster’, but can’t wait to on video.
-I will never watch LOTR.
-Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Garner and Miss Theron are all too hot for words.
-Billy Crystal should host every year.
-Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush is Satan.
In the NFL, thanks to Daniel Snyder, the Washington Redskins have become the polarizing team du jour. You either love ‘em or hate ‘em. I lauded the hiring of Joe Gibbs, but after the money they have spent and the bluster coming from their fans this off-season, I must say that the sadistic side of AtomicTom is bubbling to the surface. Watching them win could be fun, but not half as fun as watching them fall on their faces.
‘Survivor: Allstars’ has not been great. For crying out loud, two people have already walked from the show! Susan’s meltdown has cemented her title as ‘The Most Uncomfortable Person to Watch in the History of Reality Television’. Just brutal. Richard Hatch is a jackass of the highest order, but was she “violated and dehumanized” by him? I say , no. I am still sticking with Lex, but with so many women left, it may be a gender squeeze after the merge.
Did anyone catch that interview with Martha Stewart’s brother on 'The Today Show' this week? Yikes. Basically the interview established that he has not spoken to Martha in years, he has not spoken to her since her conviction and he is peddling a book about growing up with her. Gee, thanks. The producer responsible for that interview should be fired post-haste.
ESPN’s ‘Dream Job’ show is growing on me. Now that “Quigs” is gone, the ‘cringe factor’ has ratcheted down some.
The word on the street (Ok, I saw it in TV Guide) is that Gary Sinese will be the lead CSI on next season’s CSI: New York.
Rented ‘Runaway Jury’ the other night. It was predictably lame. Love Cusack, love Hoffman, love Hackman, hated this movie. The story was just not strong. Typical John Grisham book that does not translate well to the big screen (save for ‘Pelican Brief’). The bathroom scene with Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman was fantastic, however.
Joke of the Week:
The president and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row at a Yankees game, surrounded by Secret Service agents. Before the game starts, one of the agents whispers in the president’s ear, and Mr. Clinton smiles and nods.
Then he grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet onto the field, cursing all the way before landing in a heap in the dirt. The president raises his arms triumphantly and gets high-fives from fans all around him.
Then the agent leans over again and whispers, “Uh, Mr. President, I said they want you to throw out the first pitch!”
So, a friend sets me up with his friend. I had met her awhile back and would not have thought her a match for me, but hey, who am I to say no at this point?! So I arrange to call her on a Thursday night. We rap for awhile and she tells me that she is going out with her friends the next night. While I don't remember the context, I joked that I would be up late Friday night if she wanted to call. Sure enough at about 2am I get a call...
Her: "Hey, are you dressed?"
Me (totally startled and thinking many things): "Ummm.... not really"
Her: "Well, I just got pulled over and blew a .12 The cop didn't give me a DUI because I am an ER nurse, but I was wondering if you could come pick me and my friends up?"
So, I did. Then, me and 3 drunk girls went and had breakfast at the Waffle House. Yikes. We have since decided that we might never get past that and to move on. And on it goes...
I thought the catchy title might get you...
With all of the hoopla surounding sex in this country lately (Janet, Stern, etc.) I thought it might be a good idea to show you what I have read lately that has made the most sense. It comes from a silly newsletter that I write a weekly column for. It made me think: "I couldn't have said it better myself"... ok, maybe I could have. :)
The following was written by Rik Ferrell and I think you might enjoy it...
SEX, SAME SEX, AND MORE SEX-Rik
I was sitting back and doing what I do best, watching TV, and contemplating a country where one bad, floppy, exposed-on-TV breast brings about McCarthyism part deux, a country that's war-addled and deeply in debt with rising unemployment rates yet addicted to reality shows, a nation who's leader is desperately trying to make up for his Iraq fiasco in an election year by attacking the validity of same sex marriages.
Does this seem crazy to you?
First of all, the Super Bowl halftime show broadcast is no place for a naked breast (unless it's a REALLY good one). But do I believe that my 8-year old son is permanently scarred by seeing it? How about a resounding NO FRIGGIN WAY! (Wait-am I allowed to say "friggin"? Oh, I forgot. This is the Internet, the last bastion of true anarchic freedom left in America. So fuck it. Friggin Friggin Friggin.)
The truth is that my 8-year old son can see naked breasts every day on the Medical Channel on cable, as they show a mastectomy procedure. He can see exposed tits in print in the National Geographic magazines that arrive at our home each month, when they're highlighting the Moon People of Botswana, or whatever. AND he can see nice bouncy boobs LIVE and in person every morning, as his Mom is getting dressed.
And believe me, they is tasty.
If I may declare, he's a straight A student who hasn't once been reprimanded for tying M-80s to the cat's tail, or saying "nice jugs" to his 3rd grade teacher. Go figure.
If we were in Europe-yes, even in Liechtenstein-this would be a complete non-issue. But here in the US, the sad truth is that the more we progress technologically, the more we regress emotionally. If the American public is so offended by sex then why is the internet porn industry making more money than all other online venture categories combined? The truth is, we're not offended by sex at all. We're offended at the possibility of being labeled a "pervert" by our friends and neighbors.
I'd bet that each and every one of you TST-baggers is the proud owner of at least one naked chick mag or porn video. And don't lie.
No, as proud members of today's society we're truly not offended by sex, but we also don't want to get lumped into the same group as those dirty, sweaty, glassy-eyed Zoners who we see stumbling out of the adult book store with a nondescript paper bag in hand, either. And that's why we HIDE our porn; in the closet, in the bathroom, under the bed... You know what I mean, right? And ladies, how about your battery-operated buddies, hmm? I'd bet you that most of them are better hidden than Jimmy Hoffa's remains.
But you own them.
We ALL have some product or device of a sexual nature that's currently residing in a dark nook or cranny in our home. But we can't admit it. It's like horny prohibition. Hell, I'll tell you right now that I love the living crap out of going to strip clubs. I do it every chance I get, even when I'm visiting different cities, so that I can really get the local flava. And you know what's funny? No matter what region of the country I'm in, 95% of the guys who walk into those places walk in alone. Why? Because society says that only reprobates with weak moral fiber would visit such an establishment, and they'd rather not tell their friends, or have their friends witness them slip half their paycheck into some chick's g-string. Remember that Henry David Thorogood song?
"I strip club alone. Yeah yeah, with nobody else. You know when I go strip clubbin, I prefer to be by myself."
But if this is truly a free country, then I want to enjoy the freedom of being able to watch a hot 19-year old blonde with lips that could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch grinding slowly against a brass pole to the tune of Nine Inch Nails. Just as I have the freedom to refrain from such brazen turpitude if so desired.
Take the French. Sure, during wartime they surrender faster than an aging groupie in Aerosmith's dressing room, but they know sex. They APPRECIATE sex. To Henri, striptease is a friggin art form. To Pierre, Hustler is 'ow do you say-az beautiful as zee work of zee great impressionists, no? And to Louis, an exposed breast isn't dirty; it's a welcome added bonus.
Perverts don't exist in France. Just take Pepe le Pew, for example. If Pepe were in the US today, he'd be up on charges of multiple counts of sexual harassment, ostracized, and scheduled for extradition. Yet we all can secretly relate to his hopeless romanticism, each of us tirelessly chasing the skunk-cats of our dreams. (I've got such a way with words, don't I?)
What does that say about a society that has sex, loves sex, dreams about sex when they're not having it, and wants MORE sex, yet feels that it's intrinsically wrong? It says we're mental, that's what.
Understand, I'm not saying that we should adopt an "anything goes" stance. Really. But somewhere between total Puritanical abstinence and jacking off on the city bus during rush hour lies a much more temperate, relaxed, forgiving, and far less Salem Witch Hunt philosophy for us to look into.
And speaking of which, just what in the living hell is George Bush thinking? Same sex marriages are like putting ketchup on your scrambled eggs: it's a certain taste that's not for everyone, but for some people it makes the experience that much better. The government has better things to do than to be working on passing legislation to take the Heinz bottles out of anyone's hands.
Chances are, you were near a gay person at some point today. Did you know? Would it have made any difference to your day if you did? If gay people get married, you'll most likely never even notice. I mean, it's not like they'll be running around with "OFFICIAL GAY MARRIED COUPLE" neon arrow signs that constantly float over their heads as they sashay hand-in-hand down the street to a Wham! soundtrack, or anything. If homosexuals want to tie the knot under God's eyes, and an ordained person of the cloth is willing to do the ceremony, then it's between them and the Man upstairs. Not the former owner of the Texas Rangers.
My advice to Dubya: go locate the weapons of mass destruction, and let the homosexuals be.
And to the rest of the nation: take responsibility for yourselves, and for educating your children, and the rest will take care of itself.
I am an unabashed seam-head. I love baseball. My favorite of all sports. I love fantasy baseball, I love ‘Baseball Tonight’, I love box-scores, I love baseball columns in newspapers, I love baseball statistics and I have a certain affinity for a team that plays in the baseball cathedral known as Fenway Park.
And yes, I am dork.
It’s for those reasons that the latest steroid scandal is as much disappointing as it is outrageous.
Steroids have been in sports for decades. Hell, they have been as much a part of the Olympic experience as the three-tiered medal stand. They have been an issue in football since the 60’s. It usually has been a case of isolated incidents/athletes, with the possible exception of the East Germans.
Isolated incidents are one thing, but 5-7% of all players in one sport? And the names leaking out already are among the game’s greats? Well, that is quite another thing.
Check out this list: Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi & Gary Sheffield. Nice line-up. Include Sammy Sosa and those are some recent MVP’s (sans Sheffield) now in question. Do we know that they are or have been clean? Nope. Do we think they have used performance-enhancing drugs? Oh yes.
Bonds, is of course at the epicenter of this earthquake making its way across the baseball diamond. I mean the guy has gained about 30-35lbs of muscle... in his late 30’s! He has shattered homerun records and has more records in his crosshairs this coming season. The cloud of suspicion has been with him for several years now.
A lot of people have come out to defend Bonds, by stating that he has not been proven to have done anything wrong. It says here that we will probably never know that for sure. But lets look at what we do know: His body has changed tremendously over the last 8yrs, just about all of which was past a normal player’s prime. Also, his bulk-up has not been in his mid-section, like it has for most of us. He has shattered those homerun records (he is not alone in this of course). His personal trainer has been indicted on the sale illegal steroids. Court documents show that he has received them from his trainer. Oh, and he also happens to look like a real-life, bobble-head doll.
Can we prove he took steroids? No, not yet. But he did. There is just way too much evidence, circumstantial or otherwise, to suggest that he is clean. It’s just the way it is.
Of greater importance is what this does now and will do to baseball as this unfolds. So many questions to be asked: Who is guilty? What about Mark McGwire? Are the records we have seen broken recently, now tainted? Should we asterisk all of the recent homerun records (I say no)? We will never know all of it, so who can we trust? Will the Players Association ever agree to a stiffer steroid policy? (As it stands, you get a 1yr suspension when caught… for a fifth time!) What performance/stats can be attributed to steroids? On and on it will go.
As a fan, this sucks. We all like to think that everyone is playing solely on his or her natural playing ability. However, none of us are naïve enough to think that we are always watching athletes who are all competing on the level, but it’s better when we know that there is testing being done.
There is a school thought that suggests we make steroids legal and that way everyone has the same opportunity. There is some validity to that, but for health reasons, it is just not plausible. And it would cheapen the achievements of all athletes going forward.
I hold out hope that the non-cheating players will create a critical mass that will force the Players Association to adopt a tougher and immediate steroid testing plan in order to erase this dark cloud over the game.
Sadly, based on history that likelihood is analogous to someone like Brady Anderson hitting 50HR’s in one season.
Oops.
Glad to be back. Spent the last week in Nashville for a company conference and had a blast. However, the venue had little to do with the good times had by all.
Each year, my company sends it’s Management from all over the globe (27 countries represented) to a different location in the US for some instruction, motivation and of course, fun.
I landed on a Sunday and headed to downtown with a couple of colleagues. Now, granted it was a Sunday, but man was it dead. Went to the Grand Ole Opry and was thoroughly unimpressed. Had lunch at the famed Wildhorse Saloon. Nice place, but dead. They had a line dancing class going on which did not exactly whip the crowd into a frenzy, if you know what I mean.
The downtown was filled with live music bars, which is nice even if the music is not my cup ‘o tea. So, Nashville will not be a stop on the next AtomicTom World Tour.
As for the hotel… one word: Fabulous. The Gaylord Opryland Hotel was as good as it gets, this side of Vegas. Absolutely HUGE! Everyone got lost in this place. There are essentially 4 hotels underneath giant glass ceiling. It’s like an enormous greenhouse… in a good way.
Lots of bars, restaurants and shops. The ballrooms are spacious to say the least. After, the sessions and the mandatory dinners, we all had the nights to ourselves. Those nights were spent in the Delta Lounge. Live music, nice bar, “outdoor” patio. Sweet.
I spent most of my time with Wilson from Syracuse, Bulldog from Port St. Lucie, Koester from Ft. Myers, and AVK from Binghamton. Drinking, talking (and often leering) about women and sports, and smoking cigars every night. Good times.
Next year: Universal Studios, Orlando.
Can’t wait.